...

" ... MY GREATEST FEAR ... ? ... IS THAT ... ? ... I WILL WAKE ... ? ... ONLY TO FIND THAT THE MEMORY IMAGES ... ... BURNED INTO MY MIND ... ... ON FRIDAY ... ? ... WERE ONLY THE FALSE "EIKONS" ... ... OF A FEVER DREAM ... WHICH VANISHES IN THE ... ... LIGHT OF DAY ... ... LIKE THE TANTALIZING MISTS GENERATED ... ... BY A DESSERT'S OASES' MIRAGE ... ... I ARRIVED AT PROSPECT PARK ... ... GRAND ARMY PLAZA ... AT ONE IN THE AFTERNOON ... ... I FOUND THE ART - DECO ... ... 1 9 3 0 ' S APARTMENT BUILDING ... RIGHT AWAY ... ... STEPS FROM THE # 2 ... ... I R T - SEVENTH AVENUE LINE ... STATION ... ... FROM MEMORY ALONE ... ... REMEMBERING THE NIGHTS AND DAYS ... ... OF A FRIGID JANUARY ... ... BACK IN THE WINTER ... OF 2 0 0 4 ... ... WHEN ... A N A ... AND ME ... ? ... F U C K E D ... FOR HOURS ... ... ON MICHELLE'S LIVING - ROOM COUCHES ... ... WATCHING RE-BROADCASTS OF CABLE ... ... UN - CUT VERSIONS ... ( RATED R ) ... OF ... ? ... A YOUNG ... JOHN TRAVOLTA'S SEMINAL 8 0 ' S ... ... CLASSIC DANCE - FILM ..." URBAN COWBOY " ... ... PENETRATING A N A ... WITH MY ERECT MEMBER ... ... WITH - OUT A CONDOM ... ... BOBBING UP AND DOWN ... ... ON THE LEATHER - PADDED UP-HOLSTERY ... ... AS SHE RODE ME ... REVERSE - COW - GIRL ... STYLE ... ... AND MICHELLE'S BED ... ... SHOOTING A LOAD BETWEN HER PETITE BREASTS ... ... WATCHING THE ELECTRIC CAT-FISH ... SWIM ... ... IN HER BED - ROOM'S ... TROPICAL ...AQUARIUM TANK ... " ... N O T IN MY FACE ... !!!!" A N A WARNED ME ... ... WAVING HER FINGER IN MY FACE ... ... AS I JERKED - OFF ... MY POUNDING ERECTION ... ... EJACULATING ON HER MILK - WHITE FLESH ... " ... HOW DID YOU EVER MANAGE TO FIND THE PLACE ... ? ... IT'S ... A L L COVERED - UP WITH THIS SCAFFOLDING ... ... NOW ... !!!!???". " ... BY SCENT ... ALONE ... ". " ... D O N ' T - F U C K - T H I S - U P ... !!!! ... FOR M E ... !!!! ... B I G - M I K E ...!!!". ... " FAUXMAUX " ... WARNED M E ... ... THREATENED M E , TO BE MORE ACCURATE ... !!!! " ... A N A ... ??? IS A F U C K I N G - GENIUS ... !!! ... AND I ... ? WANNA WORK WITH HER ... !!! ... AS LONG AS ... SHE'S ... IN TOWN ... !!! ... I HAVEN'T BEEN ON - STAGE ... ? SINCE ...? ... THAT "JOHN - THE - BAPTIST'S HEAD " / "SALOME' "...? ... BURLESQUE STRIP -TEASE ... ? ... I PERFORMED BACK ... ON VALENTINE'S DAY ... ... S E V E N ... MONTHS AGO ... !!! IN FEBRUARY ... !!! ... FOR THAT EROTIC ART SHOW ... ... PRODUCED BY YOUR BUDDY ... ? ... " TSAURAH LITSKY "... !!! ... I HAVEN'T REALLY PERFORMED SINCE THEN ... !!!! ... I'VE BEEN HOME ... ? FOR MONTHS ... !!! ... I HAVEN'T BEEN GETTING ... ? " O U T " .... !!! ... I N E E D ... ? TO PERFORM ... !!! ... I N E E D ... ? TO GET BACK ON - STAGE AGAIN ... !!! ... THAT'S WHY I N E E D ... ? A N A ... !!!! ... SHE'S A ... F U C K I N G - GENIUS ... !!!". " ... AND ... ? T H A T ... ? MAKES ... ? M E ... ? ... N - O - T ... !!! A " G E N I U S " ... ???!!". " ... N O ... !!!! ... B I G - M I K E " ... ???? ... Y O U ... ? ... ARE THEEEEEEEEEEEEE MOST INTELLEGENT PERSON ... ? ... I HAVE ... E V E R ... MET ... !!! ... BUT , A N A ... ? ... IS A ... F U C K I NG - GENIUS ... !!!". ... MAUX PRESSURED ME TO DELETE ... A L L ... REFERENCES TO A N A ... ? ... IN MY MONOLOGUES TO BE PERFORMED IN THE UP - COMING ... ... " B I G - M I K E " / " B I G - S H O W " ... AFTER THE WEDNESDAY EVENING ... ... FIFTIETH EDITION ..." RE - UNION " PRODUCTION ... ... OF THE " B I G - M I K E " / " B I G - S H O W " ...? ... WITH ... ? A N A ... WATCHING FROM THE AUDIENCE ... ... I APPROACHED HER ... OUT - SIDE THE BOWERY POETRY CLUB ... " ... A N A ... ? ... CAN WE "BURY THE HATCHET " ... FINALLY ... ? ... WOULD YOU CONSIDER PERFORMING IN ANOTHER ... ? ... " B I G - M I K E " / " B I G - S H O W "... ? ... I W O U L D ... PAY YOU ... "." ... WELL ...? ... N O T ... ? IF YOU PAY ... " M E " ... ? ... LESS ... THAN THE OTHER PERFORMERS ... !!! ".( ... COULD THIS ON-GOING ... ENMITY ... OVER THE PAST ... ... T W O YEARS ... ? ... MERELY BE A ... MONETARY" ISSUE ...???!!!). " ... O K A Y ...". ... I CONTACTED HER VIA E - MAIL ... ... SHE ... ? ACTUALLY ... R E - P L I E D ... ... TO ONE OF MY ELECTRONIC MISSIVES ....? ... FOR THE F I R S T TIME ... !!! ... IN OVER T W O YEARS ... !!!! ... I HAD AN UP - COMING FEATURE ... ... AT ANGELA PELUSSO ' S ... .... " P O E T I C - L I C E N S E " ... SERIES ... ... TENTH ANNIVERSARY EDITION ... ... HELD AT CENTRAL PARK'S ... ... NAUMBERG BAND - SHELL ... ... AN OUT - DOOR ... OUT - LAW EVENT ... !!! ... I INVITED A N A ... ? ... TO PERFORM ... WITH ME ... ... PERHAPS ... ? MAUX ... ? I S RIGHT ... ? ... AFTER A L L ... !!! ... JUST MAY - BE ... ? ... A N A ... IS INDEED ... A " F U C K I N G - GENIUS " ... HER IDEAS FOR MY PIECE ... ? ... " R U B Y ' S ... O N - T H E - B O A R D W A L K - OF ... ... CONEY ISLAND BROOKLYN , U S A / " L U C I F ER "... ? ... WERE TRULY ... IN - SPIRED ... !!! ... FOR PROPS ... TO ACCOMPANY THE DIALOGUE ... AND MY NARRATION ... ? ... A N A ... WHIPPED - OUT ... A PAPIER-MACHE' HALLOWEEN BLACK CAT ... ? ... TO REPRESENT ... " B E T T Y ' S " ... DARK , DARK , FRESHLY - SHAVEN ... ... " P U S S Y "... !!! ... I SUPPLIED A N A ... WITH A PAIR OF MY OLD "TIMBERLAND" COMBAT - BOOTS ... ... A HUGE PAIR OF BLACK MENS' BOXER SHORTS ... ... AND ... A SELDOM - USED D I L D O ... ONCE BELONGING TO "JANET" ... ... MY STAND - UP COMIC , LIVE-IN , E X - GIRL-FRIEND ... !!! ... A N A ... BOUGHT A PAIR OF OVER-SIZED BLACK OVERALL - SHORTS ... (LIKE LEDERHOSEN)... ... AT THE FLATBUSH AVENUE SALVATION ARMY THRIFT SHOPPE ... IN PARK SLOPE ... ... AND ... ? WEARING THE BOOTS , THE OVERALLS , AND AN OLD BLACK FEDORA ... ? ... A N A ... ? BECAME THE SPITTING - IMAGE OF ... ... " B E T T Y "...!!! ... A N A ... ? EVEN RE-QUESTED A NAME - CHANGE OF THE CHARACTER ... ? ... BACK TO ... " L U C I F E R " ... AND I AGREED ... !!! ... (IT WAS M U C H BETTER ...!!!). ... I INVITED A N A ... ? ... OUT TO CENTRAL PARK ... ... TO VIEW THE VENUE ... ? ... BEFORE THE EVENT ... ... WE HEADED UP TO THE 7 2 N D STREET STOP ... ... ON THE UPPER WEST SIDE ... ... VIA THE # 2 EXPRESS I R T LINE ... ... DIS - EMNARKED ... ? ... HEADED TO THE PARK ... ... AND EVEN W I T H ... ? ... MY BEST NEW LESBO HAIR - CUT 2 0 0 6 ... ? ... ACCORDING TO THE "BEST OF NEW YORK" ... ? ... " VILLAGE VOICE " ARTICLE ... SPORTING A ... ? " M U L L E T " ... ? ... RESEMBLING A DYKE ... ? ... FROM PARK - SLOPE , BROOKLYN ...? ... T W O SEPARATE ... " PASSERS - BY " ... ? ... IN - CORRECTLY IDENTIFIED ME AS ... ? ... " J E R R Y - G A R C I A " ... !!!! ... THE LATE - GREAT SINGER/SONG - WRITER/GUITARIST ... ? ... OF THE ERST - WHILE ... ... ACID - ROCK SEVENTIES CLASSIC BAND ... ? ... "THE GRATE - FUL DEAD " ... !!!! ... " T H I S " ... ??!!! IMPRESSED A N A ... !!!! ... WE ENTERED THE PARK ... AT THE " NAVIGATOR'S GATE " ... ... AT WEST 7 2 N D STREET ... AND CENTRAL PARK WEST ... ... OPPOSITE ... " THE DAKOTA " ... ... WALKED THROUGH "STRAWBERRY FIELDS" ... ... HEARD A CAT - BIRD ... "MEOWING" ... IN A WILD ROSE BUSH ... ... WE CHECKED OUT THE NAUMBERG BAND - SHELL ... AND MALL ... ... ROLLER BLADERS ... SKATE - BOARDES ... DOG WALKERS ... "FOLKIES" ... ... WITH THEIR GUITARS ... CASES OPEN FOR SPARE CHANGE ... AND OTHER ... ... CONTRIBUTIONS ... ... THAT'S ... ? WHEN I SUGGESTED TO A N A ... ? ... THAT WE GO ROW - BOATING ... ... ON CENTRAL PARK LAKE ... ... ACROSS THE BETHESEDA FOUNTAIN ... FROM THE BAND - SHELL ... AND MALL ... ... SHE AGREED ... !!! " ... BUT ... !!!! ... WE MUST BOTH PAY ... HALF ... !!! ". ( ... SHE ... ? DID NOT WANT TO WIND - UP OWING ME ... ? ... A N Y - T H I N G ... !!! ). ... IT HAD BEEN ... ? Y E A R S ... ... SINCE I LAST TOOK SOME - ONE ROWING ... ON THE LAKE ... ... " AMELIA " ... ? " JANET " ... ? " VALERIE " ... ? ... BUT THE " TECHNIQUE " ... ? HAD N O T LEFT ME ... !!! ... THE HUNGARIAN - IMMIGRANT , HEAVY - WEIGHT CREW COACH ... ... AT COLUMBIA COLLEGE ... ... TOLD ME THIRTY YEARS EARLIER .. ? ... THAT I HAD A NATURAL TALENT FOR ROWING ... ... I ROWED A N A ... ? " ... ONCE AROUND THE LAKE ... " ... BY THE MARSHES ... ... OF THE NOTORIOUS GAY " CRUISING " SPOT ... ? ... " T H E - R A M B L E " ... ? ... WE COUNTED ... S I X ... MALE , NORTH - EASTERN ... ... " ELEGANT SLIDER " TURTLES ... ... RECENT " RELEASEES " ... ? ... FROM SOME SCHOOL - KID'S HOME TERRARIUM ... ... AFTERWARDS ... ? ... AS THE SEPTEMBER SUN ... ... BEGAN TO SET OVER THE HUDSON RIVER ... ... WE WALKED DOWN TO RIVERSIDE PARK ... ... WE ACCIDENTALLY CRASHED A VERY EXCLUSIVE YUPPY PARTY ... ... AT THE 7 9 T H STREET BOAT BASIN ... ... THEN WALKED TO THE " ESPLANADE " ... ... YET ONE MORE NOTORIOUS GAY CRUISING SPOT ... ... THE TWINKILING STARS ... AND PLANETS ... ... HAD JUST BECOME VISIBLE IN THE TWI - LIGHT OVER THE PALISADES ... ... OF SECAUCUS , NEW JERSEY ... ... AS THE SUN DISAPEARED BELOW THE HORIZON OF THE FAR - OFF POCONOS MOUNTAINS ... ... THE NIGHT 'S SALT - AIR BREEZE ... ... BLEW - IN FROM THE HUDSON RIVER'S ESTUARY ... ... WHAT MORE ROMANTIC SETTING ... ? COULD I HAVE WISHED FOR ... ? ... WE SAT DOWN ON A PARK BENCH ... ... GAZING UP AT THE FLASHING ELECTRIC - NEON LIGHTS ... ... OF " TRUMP CITY " SKY - SCAPERS ... ... " A N A " ... LIT UP A CIGARETTE ... BEGAN SMOKING ... ... EXHALING PLUMES INTO THE CRISP EVENING AIR ... ... THIS ... ? IS MY LAST , BEST CHANCE ... ... FOR A SEXUAL RECONCILIATION ... ... IF NOT NOW ... ? NEVER ... ... THESE CHANCES ONLY COME ALONG ... ? ONCE IN A LIFE - TIME ... ... IF I DID NOT ACT NOW ... ? ... WHAT WOULD FOLLOW ... ? ... BUT A LIFE - TIME OF REGRETS ... ... FOR A CHOICE OPPORTUNITY NOT TAKEN ... ... REGRETS CARRIED TO ONE'S DEATH - BED ... ... I MADE MY MOVE ... " ... " A N A " ... ? ( I WHISPERED) ... ... I STILL LOVE YOU ... ? ... I'LL ALL - WAYS LOVE YOU ... ... CAN'T YOU REGARD ... ? ALL THIS TIME ... ? ... THAT WE ' VE SPENT APART ... ? ... LIKE AN ... ? EXTENDED "TREAT - MENT" ... ? ... FOR A TERRIBLE ILLNESS ... THAT I WAS SUFFERING FROM ... ? ... A DISEASE ... ? THAT I'VE JUST GOTTEN OVER ... ? ... THAT I'VE JUST RECOVERED FROM ... ? ... LIKE CANCER ... ? ... I'VE JUST RETURNED FROM THE BRINK OF DEATH ... ? ON THE CANCER WARD ... ? ... AFTER LIFE - THREATENING *CHEMO - THERAPY" ... OR RADIATION THERAPY ... ... OR JUST EMERGED ... ? FROM A LOCKED "RE - HAB" FACILITY .. ? ... AFTER AN AGONIZING , PAIN -FULL , PROLONGED TREATMENT ... ? ... STRUGGLING WITH ALCOHOLISM ... ? OR DRUG ADDICTION ... ? ... I ' VE RE - AWAKENED ... COME TO MY SENSES ... ... I'VE SEEN THE LIGHT OF DAY ... ... SEEN THE ERROR OF MY WAYS ... ... AND WITH NEW , CLEAR VISION ... ? ... A FRESH SET OF EYES ... ? ... I SEE THAT ... ? I ONLY WANT ... Y O U ... ? ... COULD YOU TAKE ME BACK ... ? ". ... A N A SHOOK HER HEAD ... WAGGING HER EVER - PRESENT GLOWING CIGARETTE BUTT ... ... BETWEEN TWO LONG , TAPERING DELICATE FINGERS ... FOR EMPHASIS ... " ... NAY ... NAY ... NAY ... ECHT DAT ... !!! " . ( ..HER REFUSALS AND DENIALS ... ? ... WERE ALWAYS FRAMED IN HER NATIVE DUTCH TONGUE ... !!! ) . " ... WE MAY STILL WORK TOGETHER ... ? ... BUT WE CAN N E V E R BE ... ? " L O V E R S " ... ? AGAIN ... !!!! ... AND IF YOU ONLY WANT TO WORK WITH ME ... ? ... BECAUSE YOU WANT TO " F U C K " ME ... ? ... MAY BE ... ? WE SHOULD JUST CALL OFF THE PERFORMANCE ... ???!! ". ( ... THE THOUGHT HAD CROSSED MY MIND ... ). ... SO MUCH FOR SECOND CHANCES ... ... WRITER ROBERT ALPOM ... ( "THE FIVE PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN" ... ... "TUESDAYS WITH MAURY " ... FAME ). ... HAS PUBLISHED A NEW BOOK ... ... " FOR JUST ONE DAY MORE " ... ... POSITING THE QUESTION ... ? ... IF YOU HAD ONE MORE CHANCE TO SEE A DEPARRTED LOVED - ONE ... ? ... WHAT W O U L D YOU SAY ... ? ... FOR TWO AND A HALF YEARS ... ? ... " A N A " ... ? W A S EFFECTIVELY ... " DEAD " ... TO ME ... ... BUT I GOT HER BACK ... ... I HAD THAT UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY TO TALK TO HER AGAIN ... ... TO PERFORM WITH HER AGAIN ... ... TO HAVE HER IN MY LIFE AGAIN ... ... TO BE INVOLVED WITH HER AGAIN ... ... WHAT OTHER CHOICE DID I HAVE .... ? ... BUT TO ENGAGE HER ... ? AS I DID ... ... AS I TRIED TO DO ... ( ...THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE HAD A VERY DREAM - LIKE , SUR REAL QUALITY TO IT ... ) . ... SECOND CHANCES RARELY HAPPEN ... ... YOU HAVE TO GRASP THEM ... WHEN THEY SO IN - FREQUENTLY COME AROUND ... ... "CARPE DIEM " ... ... " GRASP THE DAY " ... !!! ".